K-Fed's live dates dropping like flies!

Don't look now, K-Fed, but your first concert tour is evaporating before your eyes:

"Two of aspiring rapper KEVIN FEDERLINE's live performances were cancelled on Monday - one day before his debut album is set to be released. BRITNEY SPEARS' husband is planning to launch his new CD PLAYING WITH FIRE with five guest appearances around the US, but lacklustre ticket sales have caused two and possibly three shows to be cancelled.

According to American publication Star, his 9 November (06) gig at House of Blues in Cleveland, Ohio has already been scrapped, even though tickets were priced at an affordable $20-$22.

Come to my concert! $20 is cheap for a comedy show.

A message on the venue's website states, "Show has been cancelled. There is no rescheduled date. Refunds are available at point of purchase." Federline's performance at the House of Blues in Atlantic City, New Jersey has also been cancelled, according to the House of Blues website. Tickets to that show were selling for $15-$17 each.

The former back-up dancer's gig on 4 November at New York City's Webster Hall also looks like it's in jeopardy with an insider at the venue telling the New York Post that so few of the $20 tickets have been sold, "We may just cancel it.""

RIP

Pour some out for an awesome songwriter who is no more. Incidentally, the Dr. prescribes The Band's version of "Long Black Veil".

"Songwriter Marijohn Wilkin, who co-wrote the classic ballad "Long Black Veil" and other hits, died at her Nashville home at age 86.

Wilkin, who died on Saturday, had been ill for some time with heart problems, said Patsy Bruce, a long-time friend and music executive.

In addition to penning hit songs over a career that began in the 1950s, Wilkin recorded as a backup singer and founded Buckhorn Music publishers, where Kris Kristofferson got his songwriting start in 1965.

Wilkin's songs were performed by stars including Johnny Cash, The Beatles, Patsy Cline and Rod Stewart. She was inducted into the Nashville Songwriters Hall of Fame in 1975.

Wilkin was born in Kemp, Texas and worked as a music teacher after college. She began her writing and performing career in Springfield, Missouri, then moved to Nashville where she and John Loudermilk wrote "Waterloo," which topped both country and pop charts in 1959.

"Long Black Veil" was co-written with Danny Dill in 1959. Honky-tonk singer Lefty Frizzell recorded the song within days of it being written and it was a top-10 single.

In addition to being a signature hit for Cash, the song about a false accusation of murder was recorded by Joan Baez, The Kingston Trio, The Band, Jerry Garcia, Bruce Springsteen and others.

A pop hit, "Cut Across Shorty," recorded by both Eddie Cochran and Carl Smith in 1960, was revived by rocker Rod Stewart in 1970 and again in 1993.

Wilkin was widowed once and divorced twice. She struggled with alcohol abuse and depression.

After a religious conversion in the 1970s, she and Kristofferson wrote the enduring gospel favorite "One Day at a Time," and she devoted her songwriting to gospel music. Her 1978 autobiography is called "Lord Let Me Leave a Song.""

Stop ashing in my car!!

Quantum Boggs, episodes I and II, from Worst Party Productions.

Episode I: Wade Boggs, redolent with whiskey and cooze, decides to go back in time to save an old friend from the agony of defeat. Starring Kevin Kelleher as Boggs and Matty Ferraro as Marino, with Margo Adams and Michael Jack Schmidt as themselves.



Episode II: Having brought the cocksure young Marino to heel, Boggs brings in Olympic hero Kristi Yamaguchi to fix a flaw in the QB's game. Featuring Poptart Sprinkle as Tonya Harding, Ryan Libby as Jeff Gilooly, and Rich Menza and Tommy Gator as themselves.

My (middle) Name is Earl

TMZ.com released a .pdf of the birth certificate for Britney's new baby. Contrary to many rumors, it is not a boy named Sutton Pierce Federline or a girl named TBD Federline, it is a baby boy named Jayden James Federline.

Aaaaaaaaanyway, that's not the reason I bring this up.

The birth certificate reveals two amusing facts about the inimitable K-Fed:

1) He cannot sign his name, he just prints it in an elementary school scrawl.

2) His middle name is EARL.

Here's a handy detail shot of the certificate that proves both claims:

Rick Santorum loves hobbits

I have no idea how I missed this the first time around, but this amusing story was archived on Rogers Cadenhead's Workbench:

"In a meeting with the editorial board of the Bucks County Courier Times, Sen. Rick Santorum used J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings to explain his support for the Iraq war:

Embattled U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum said America has avoided a second terrorist attack for five years because the "Eye of Mordor" has instead been drawn to Iraq.

Santorum used the analogy from one of his favorite books, J.R.R. Tolkien's 1950s fantasy classic, Lord of the Rings, to put an increasingly unpopular war in Iraq into terms any school kid could easily understand.

My level 12 elf has 24 dexterity!!!

"As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else," Santorum said, describing the tool the evil Lord Sauron used in search of the magical ring that would consolidate his power over Middle-earth.

"It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S.," he continued. "You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States."

This comment writes its own punchline, but as a teen-aged dungeon master I'm the wrong person to mock Sen. Santorum for dorky analogies. One of these days I'll write on my blog about how the battle of Sadr City was like the Caves of Chaos.

But if we're mapping the Lord of the Rings onto Iraq, the books pitted weak hobbits relying on stealth and guerrilla warfare against a mighty superpower that had a huge army and amazing surveillance capabilities. They defeated Lord Sauron by drawing him into a military conflict as a distraction while the hobbits snuck into Sauron's homeland and destroyed him with the medieval equivalent of a suitcase nuke."

Seattle sets the lameness bar high

The City of Seattle has a new slogan! Unbelievably, it's lamer than the one the state of Washington came up with mere months ago!

"SEATTLE - When Washington state announced its new tourism slogan last spring, Pike Place Market vendor Kenny Telesco was willing to give it a chance. He practiced saying it with "jazz hands" and asked tourists to "SayWA" as they posed for photos. But he's not sure he can stomach Seattle's new tourism slogan, unveiled Friday in 18-foot-tall letters atop the Space Needle: "metronatural."

"How do you use that in a sentence?" Telesco asked. "'Welcome to Metronatural.' ... It's an airport where you can buy organic bananas."

Others suggested "metronatural" evoked an urban nudist camp and speculated about whether it would last longer than "SayWA," which the state dropped recently because it failed to catch on.

"Metronatural" is the result of a 16-month, $200,000 effort by Seattle's Convention and Visitors Bureau. The bureau plans to spend $300,000 marketing the slogan, which will largely be targeted at generating business for the Washington Convention and Trade Center.

The idea behind "metronatural" was to capture that "Seattle offers the best of both worlds," visitors bureau president Don Welsh said in a statement. "We have a vibrant urban center surrounded by pristine wilderness and outdoor recreation."

A sampling of vendors and tourists at Pike Place Market, one of the city's premier attractions, suggested that Seattle doesn't need a slogan, let alone one that plays on that buzzword of yesteryear "metrosexual."

18-Foot Tall Letters of Lameness.

That's the approach that Vancouver, British Columbia, took when it updated its tourism marketing. Instead of having a tag line, advertisements simply say "Tourism Vancouver," with a large "V" styled to resemble an Olympic medal hanging from an athlete's neck.

It was Vancouver's decision to update its slogan that prompted Seattle to follow suit. Seattle's seldom-seen old slogan, developed in 1999, was a picture of an eye, an "at" symbol and the letter L: "See-At-L."

A look at the city's tourism industry would seem to suggest it's been doing fine without the new slogan. A record 9.1 million people visited Seattle last year, according to the visitors bureau. The cruise port is bustling, and the convention center drew nearly 400,000 people last year.

"Metro" and "natural" are "not two words that impress me as words that are going to stick out in someone's mind, like you want a slogan to stick out in someone's mind," said John Silas, a 30-year market veteran who makes and sells hardwood cribbage boards. "The idea feels sterile and commercial and it's lacking the heart of Seattle."

Tour guide Dick Falkenberry said he had heard all about the new slogan.

"It's 'SayWA.' No, wait, it's worse than 'SayWA,'" he said. "It's 'urban-metro.'"

Close enough."

Putin cracks wise

Either Vladimir Putin has some serious issues or he has the kind of F-ed up sense of humor that I can really appreciate. Here are his thoughts on the Israeli president's rape scandal, from NYT:

"MOSCOW, Oct. 19 — President Vladimir V. Putin has a penchant for making pithy, acerbic, sometimes coarse comments. On Wednesday a microphone inadvertently left on during a brief appearance with Prime Minister Ehud Olmert of Israel captured his views on the sex scandal involving Israel’s president.

According to published accounts by Agence France-Presse late Wednesday and Kommersant and The Jerusalem Post today, Mr. Putin was heard saying, “Say hello to your president,” to Mr. Olmert, referring to President Moshe Katsav, who could face criminal charges that he raped and assaulted two former employees. Mr. Putin added, “He really surprised us.” The microphone was quickly turned off as reporters were ushered from the room, but the news organizations reported that Mr. Putin went on.

“We did not know he could deal with 10 women,” he said, according to the Post and Agence France-Presse accounts, apparently referring to the complaints by several women that Mr. Katsav harassed them or worse.

Kommersant’s version — citing the remarks in Russian — was cruder. “He turned out to be quite a powerful man,” the paper’s reporter in the official Kremlin pool, Andrei Kolesnikov, quoted Mr. Putin as saying. “He raped 10 women. I never expected it from him. He surprised all of us. We all envy him.”

The accounts suggested that Mr. Putin’s remarks prompted laughter from the Russian and Israeli diplomats in the gilded conference room inside the Kremlin, where the two leaders went on to discuss Middle East policy and other issues for two and a half hours. The Post reported that Mr. Olmert responded by saying, “I wouldn’t be jealous of him.”"

Don't fuck with the Red Snapper!

Uh oh. The latest Madden football game rated Washington center Ethan Albright as the worst player in the NFL. Here's a memo that I wish was actually real. Nevertheless it made me laugh my ass off. Seriously, it fell off.

"To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07

Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fucking bullshit and you should kiss my mother-fucking ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.

You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard.

It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly shit and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. Fuck, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of shit teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?

I guess I just can’t fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. Fuck, man, there are some shitty guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst.

One pissed off Redstick!

I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash through a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut.

John, you are such a fucking dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a fucking zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my fucking face. Fuck that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a - 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns.

Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). Fuck me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide.

I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I’m a fucking lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pussy-ass fuckwad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man.

When I'm not snapping balls, I snap necks.

Fuck you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you fuck with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.

Rot in Hell,

Ethan Albright"

Now I'm thirsty AND hungry

I am filled with astonishment and desire to eat this newest fried poison!! From AFP:

"CHICAGO (AFP) - Fried Coke has become the latest artery-clogging hit at US state fairs, local media reports.

The gooey Coke-battered nuggets topped with cola syrup won the "most creative" title at the Texas state fair in Dallas last month. Since then, the deep-fried phenomenon has spread to North Carolina and Arizona.

"We've been getting calls from everywhere since we introduced it," Elizabeth Martin, a spokeswoman for the North Carolina fair, told the Dallas Morning News. "Everyone wants to know where they can get it."

Fried treats are as big of a draw at state fairs as the rides and prize-winning farm animals. Twinkies, cookies and even pickles are stuck with a stick, dipped in batter and then seared in the deep fryer.

Fried Coke's inventor, concessionaire Abel Gonzales Jr., is a creative fryer whose experiments have proven popular. Last year he sold 20,000 fried peanut butter, jelly and banana sandwiches, the Morning News reported. Fried Coke looks to be an even bigger hit: he sold 16,000 cups of the sticky balls in the first two weeks of the fair, which runs through Oct. 22.

Gonzales has also had more success with changing his recipe than Coca Cola did. He reworked the recipe to make the dough less cakey and more spongy so it would soak up more of the cola syrup.

"They were good before, but they are even better now," Gonzales said."

Tim Murray kicks ass and takes names!

Hallelujah!! Tim Murray don't take no mess! Timmy don't Timmy don't Timmy don't....

"Murray took the offensive nearly every chance he got yesterday, and not only in the debate. Earlier in the day, Murray went to the Long Wharf Marriott hotel, where Healey was addressing the International Association of Chiefs of Police. Murray approached Healey after her speech and, in front of a group of reporters, asked why she would not release her answers to a questionnaire from the Gun Owners Action League, which endorsed her on Monday.

"We hope you'll be willing to release your answers to the questionnaire, because it will add to a full and valuable discussion on all the issues relating to public safety," Murray said.

"You know what I'd like to know?" Healey shot back, drawing within 2 feet of Murray. "Why don't you release your Mass Teachers Association information?"

The teachers union endorsed the Patrick-Murray campaign last month. Candidates will oftentimes send aides to their opponents' events, but rarely does a running mate make an appearance.

Eye of the tiger!

In last night's debate, which aired on NECN, Hillman sought to keep alive the issue of crime, which has dogged the Patrick campaign over the past week.

"This is a huge issue," Hillman said. "It's Tim Murray who's been a defense attorney. It's Deval Patrick that's been a defense attorney. It's Kerry Healey that's always and consistently been on the side of victims."

Murray responded by saying that he and Patrick had an obligation to defend criminals.

"People in this country have a right to an equal protection under the law and due process," Murray said. "And yes, sometimes that does mean criminal defendants, as unsavory as they might be."

The candidates differed on MCAS. Sullivan and Robinson want to abolish it, while Murray said changes should be made. Hillman called it "the best thing that's happened to our kids."

The candidates also scuffled over whether the state should reduce the income tax rate, from 5.3 percent to 5 percent. Hillman maintained that it should be reduced. Murray said that cutting back now would mean cuts in funding for cities and towns.

"This debate is about change; it's about difference," Hillman said at one point.

"You've been elected state representative for six years; Kerry Healey had four years as lieutenant governor," Murray said. ``You're talking about change. You had your chance, and you didn't do it."

There were some lighter moments. Murray inadvertently referred to his opponent's team as "Kerry Hillman."

Hillman grinned.

"We're not married yet," he said."

Take 'em down Timmy!! I believe in ya!!

the Genius of DODSON

I really love this budding series on Tom the Dancing Bug.

Dankest enemy ever!!

A truly bizarre report from the front lines of the war against the Taliban. How fitting is it that these troops are from Canada?

"OTTAWA (Reuters) - Canadian troops fighting Taliban militants in Afghanistan have stumbled across an unexpected and potent enemy -- almost impenetrable forests of 10-feet-high marijuana plants.

General Rick Hillier, chief of the Canadian defense staff, said on Thursday that Taliban fighters were using the forests as cover. In response, the crew of at least one armored car had camouflaged their vehicle with marijuana.

"The challenge is that marijuana plants absorb energy, heat very readily. It's very difficult to penetrate with thermal devices ... and as a result you really have to be careful that the Taliban don't dodge in and out of those marijuana forests," he said in a speech in Ottawa.

"We tried burning them with white phosphorous -- it didn't work. We tried burning them with diesel -- it didn't work. The plants are so full of water right now ... that we simply couldn't burn them," he said.

Even successful incineration had its drawbacks.

"A couple of brown plants on the edges of some of those (forests) did catch on fire. But a section of soldiers that was downwind from that had some ill effects and decided that was probably not the right course of action," Hillier said dryly."

ILL EFFECTS?! A priceless choice of words!

Shady dudes get their comeuppance

A charming story from the AP wire. As far as I am concerned, these guys were totally asking for it:

"TOLEDO, Ohio - A teenager who put her bra on a car antenna before it flew off and led to a highway accident will be charged with littering, a prosecutor said. Emily Davis, 17, of Bowling Green, told investigators she took her bra off while her friend was driving on Interstate 75.

James Campbell, who was driving behind the girls, said he swerved to avoid the bra and his car flipped several times. Campbell, 37, broke a vertebra in his neck during the Sept. 26 accident. His passenger, Jeff Long, 40, broke several ribs.

A State Highway Patrol crash report, obtained by The Blade, said that the girls told investigators that before the accident the men were motioning to them to lift up their shirts. Both men denied making the gestures.

Davis will be charged next week with misdemeanor littering, said Tim Atkins, a juvenile prosecutor in Wood County. Atkins said he'll meet with troopers before filing the charge.

The girl's friend, Tabitha Adams, 17, of Bowling Green, said she told Davis not to hang her bra outside because she knew it would fly away, according to the report.

Atkins said no other charges were expected."

The Toledo Blade has the great specifics that are typical of a local paper close to one of these "wacky news" stories. First, this awesome diagram:

And some other amusing details:

"But when state troopers asked Mr. Campbell why he unbuckled his seat belt, the report states he responded: “ I don’t know why.”

One independent witness told investigators the girls made gestures with their mouths and lifted their shirts toward Mr. Campbell and Mr. Long, but the men did not report seeing any skin.

Angelia said the girls were pretending to flash another car in traffic, but all three girls insisted when questioned by state troopers that they refused to expose themselves when Mr. Campbell and Mr. Long made gestures asking them to do so.

Both men denied making such gestures.

Mr. Campbell admitted waving to the girls, while Mr. Long said he merely pointed and told his friend to “look at these fools.”

Mr. Long, who was interviewed while he was still at the hospital, had a baseline heart rate of 84 through most of his interview with Trooper Hasty.

When answering questions about whether he “conversed visually” with the girls, the trooper noted that Mr. Long’s heart rate exceeded 100."

He's mad as hell and he's not gonna take it anymore!

GWB is pissed.

"President Bush finds the world around him increasingly "unacceptable."

In speeches, statements and news conferences this year, the president has repeatedly declared a range of problems "unacceptable," including rising health costs, immigrants who live outside the law, North Korea's claimed nuclear test, genocide in Sudan and Iran's nuclear ambitions.

Bush's decision to lay down blunt new markers about the things he deems intolerable comes at an odd time, a phase of his presidency in which all manner of circumstances are not bending to his will: national security setbacks in North Korea and Iraq, a Congress that has shrugged its shoulders at his top domestic initiatives, a favorability rating mired below 40 percent.

But a survey of transcripts from Bush's public remarks over the past seven years shows the president's worsening political predicament has actually stoked, rather than diminished, his desire to proclaim what he cannot abide. Some presidential scholars and psychologists describe the trend as a signpost of Bush's rising frustration with his declining influence.

In the first nine months of this year, Bush declared more than twice as many events or outcomes "unacceptable" or "not acceptable" as he did in all of 2005, and nearly four times as many as he did in 2004. He is, in fact, at a presidential career high in denouncing events he considers intolerable. They number 37 so far this year, as opposed to five in 2003, 18 in 2002 and 14 in 2001.

Through a spokesman and then in a televised statement, he declared North Korea's claimed nuclear test "unacceptable" before and after it occurred Oct. 9. But he could also be heard on Jan. 9 lecturing students at an elementary school in Glen Burnie, Md., that their recent scores on math and reading proficiency tests were "unacceptable.""

Shut up, sit down

This is a very amusing story about a (no doubt) annoying fan who was told to shut the hell up by the University of Tennessee athletic department:

"Tennessee fan Victoria Caldwell said she was speechless after receiving a call from the UT Athletic Department on Thursday. Fans seated near her in Neyland Stadium would have a hard time believing that.

Caldwell, a first-time season ticket holder, said UT's Bill Higdon called her at home and said other fans had complained about her.

Their complaint? She cheers too much.

"I thought he was kidding," was her first response when requested to "tone it down."

Her next response: "I didn't have any words. I was shocked.

"I couldn't believe Tennessee was calling their fans and telling them not to cheer excessively."

Higdon could appreciate her surprise. He admitted he didn't feel comfortable making the call, but that's part of his job as an assistant athletic director for event management.

"I make these calls all the time," said Higdon, who received six complaints about Caldwell after the Florida game. "I don't like them."

In Caldwell's case, Higdon even asked the complainants: "What would you say to her? I can't get on her for cheering. They said, 'She's disrespectful to the people around her.' "

UT athletic director Mike Hamilton said, "We want (fans) to be involved in the game. We want them to be a proactive force. But we want them to be respectful of the people around them. That's the goal we are trying to accomplish.

"We can't manage 107,000 relationships among people in the stands. We'd like people to cooperate among themselves."

Danny Arnold of LaFollette sits about three rows behind Caldwell. He was surprised by the call from UT to Caldwell but not surprised by the complaints.

"I thought she was drunk the first time I saw her (at the season opener against Cal)," said Arnold, who has been attending UT football games for 34 years, since he was 6. "But she wasn't."

Caldwell, 40, doesn't drink or use profanity at the game. The Powell resident is a mother of two who attends the games with her husband, Joseph.

As a UT graduate and longtime fan, she describes holding season tickets as a lifelong dream. She lives the dream very loudly.

What's wrong with that? you might ask. After all, the message on the JumboTron reads: "Get loud." Isn't Caldwell just following instructions?

Arnold noted the hypocrisy.

"One message says, 'Let's get loud.' Another message coming from UT says, 'Hey, shut up,' " he said.

Callers to the News Sentinel radio show, The Sports Page, were almost unanimous in their support of Caldwell on Friday morning. Several callers invited Caldwell to join them in their section.

"That lady is not any louder than I am," Arnold said. "Her enthusiasm is what you want. You want those people to get off their butt and actually do something."

It's more the timing than the volume that annoys fans, Arnold said.

"She was yelling when our offense was out there - 'Go all the way, all the way.' - That's not the appropriate time to be cheering."

The most annoying fan in all of Tennessee!!

Most of the stadium fell quiet when UT cornerback Inky Johnson was injured late in the Air Force game. Not Caldwell.

"Pay them back!" she shouted as Johnson lay motionless on the field.

That upset a number of fans in the section, Arnold said.

"I don't want anybody to get hurt," Caldwell said. "I just wanted to root our team on. I meant 'pay them back' by winning, not hurting them."

Another fan, who asked not to be identified, said many of the fans in the section find Caldwell annoying because of the repetitiveness of her yells. And the criticism doesn't just come from older fans.

"I've been in my seats for three years," he said. "Nobody has ever told me to sit down, and I cheer loud. There's a difference in cheering for your team versus being obnoxious to everyone around you.

"She just yells the same thing over and over. It was funny at first, but an hour later I looked at her and tried to figure out how she was breathing between cheers."

Caldwell's favorite cheers are: "All the way (not just for a touchdown but to the SEC championship)" and "Take the lead (when the Vols are behind)."

On request, she repeated both cheers on Friday's radio show. And yes, she was very loud.

"God gave me these lungs and voice, and I'm going to use them," she said. "I'm a passionate fan."

But she's also sensitive. After the complaints from fans, she's having second thoughts about attending UT games. She already had made plans for her 7-year-old daughter, Tori, to take her seat for this afternoon's game against Marshall.

"At this point, I don't know if I would feel comfortable going to the games," she said. "I might change my mind for LSU because everybody will be cheering real loud and I'll blend in more.

"I don't want to make people miserable. I'm hurt and embarrassed. But I'm also shocked.

"You expect people to complain. You don't expect UT to call you at home and ask you to tone it down. I don't understand why UT is holding its fans back."

As Caldwell prepares to sit out today's game, she wonders how her daughter will handle the Neyland Stadium experience.

"She really doesn't like loud places," Caldwell said."

Click here to watch a video of this totally irritating midget annoying the hell out of everyone in her section.

Dennis Hastert is stupid

Noam Schieber in the New Republic, via Washington Post:

"Can there be any doubting the conspiracy at the heart of the Mark Foley scandal? For years, much of official Washington has harbored a shameful secret about a certain congressman. Republicans looked the other way because they worried about their fragile majority, while the media played the role of willing enabler. Most knew the truth would come out eventually, but few had the guts to face it.

I refer here, of course, to the fact that Dennis Hastert is a bumbling half-wit--something that became apparent to the world last week but had been common knowledge in Washington for almost a decade. It was roughly eight years ago, after all, that Tom DeLay installed Hastert as his front-man, knowing full well that Hastert was no more capable of being speaker than the average sheepdog, to which he bears a remarkable resemblance. (Just after Hastert accepted the speaker's gig, a reporter asked him how he felt. Hastert's one-word response: "Scared.") But, rather than call DeLay on this lapse in judgment, House Republicans joined forces with the press to perpetrate an elaborate cover-up.

"I will wrestle you!!"

Reading back over the last several years of Hastert coverage, one is astonished by the lengths to which reporters go to avoid outing him as a guileless nincompoop. One common approach--frequently deployed in stories about dumb-but-powerful politicians--is to interpret Hastert's apparent lack of intelligence as evidence of his enigmatic character, as though Hastert were a walking riddle with jowls and a Midwestern accent...

Political correctness clearly did prevent the GOP from confronting what was an open secret in Washington. It's just that the relevant open secret wasn't about sexual orientation. It was about intelligence. For some reason it's just not politically correct to call people dumb, particularly if they happen to be in positions of power, particularly if they happen to be Republicans."

A flabby menace

Wake up people!! We are being attacked from all sides at all times! Now a new peril emerges to terrify us all. You and your family are never safe when the menace of GELATIN is at hand!

"BERLIN (Reuters) - A small pile of leftover jelly discarded beside the road after a wedding party caused a large-scale security alert in Germany with biochemical experts, firemen and police called in to investigate.

"Passers-by called police after finding a pool of a flabby red, orange and green substance on the roadside," a police spokesman in the eastern town of Halle told Reuters on Monday.

Fears of toxic waste led to the closure of a wide area after the emergency call on Sunday, and experts wearing chemical warfare suits spent two hours examining the gelatinous substance before deciding that it was -- jelly.

"The fire brigade always has to assume a worst-case scenario," said a fire brigade spokesman. "We conducted a variety of tests and figured out it was jelly."

He said the newly wed groom, who was pulled out of bed at noon following a tipoff, confirmed that the jelly, known as Jell-O in the United States, was a party leftover -- and agreed to clean it up."

Wilbanks Gets Litigious

Did you think you had heard the last of the Runaway Bride?? Think again fool!!

"LAWRENCEVILLE, Ga. - The "runaway bride," who took off days before her lavish wedding in 2005, is suing her former fiance for $500,000, claiming he defrauded her out of her share of their assets.

Jennifer Wilbanks is seeking $250,000 as her share of a home she says John C. Mason purchased through the partnership with proceeds from $500,000 received for selling their story to Regan Media in New York.

She also wants $250,000 in punitive damages for alleged abuse of the power of attorney she granted for Mason to handle their financial affairs.

In addition, letters included as exhibits in the lawsuit show that the former couple has been in dispute over personal property Wilbanks claims Mason has kept. The items include a ladder that belonged to her father, a gold-colored sofa, a new vacuum cleaner and wedding shower gifts. Mason's attorney wrote to Wilbanks' attorney in July that his client had agreed to deliver those items. The court filings do not show whether the items were returned.

Give me back my gold couch or I'll mow you down!

Wilbanks and Mason broke up for good in May, about a year after her excursion to Las Vegas and New Mexico made international headlines while hundreds of friends and family members searched for her back home in suburban Atlanta.

Mason has until Oct. 18 to respond to the lawsuit, filed last month in Gwinnett County's Superior Court. The lawsuit, Wilbanks vs. JCM Consulting and Mason, was filed Sept. 13, according to court records.

Wilbanks' attorney, Michael Wetzel, and Mason's father, Claude, declined comment Tuesday morning. John Mason's attorney, James C. Watkins, did not return a phone call seeking comment.

The lawsuit says the $500,000 was put into an account of JCM Consulting, based in Gwinnett County. After Wilbanks was "hospitalized and under medication," Mason bought a home in Dacula in his name with the money, the lawsuit alleges.

The lawsuit claims that Wilbanks asked JCM Consulting during the summer for various documents, but the firm didn't give her records of bank accounts. Through the lawsuit, she wants to inspect and copy those records.

Wilbanks also claims that Mason used the company to defraud her.

Wilbanks disappeared four days before her planned April 30, 2005, wedding. Hundreds of police and volunteers searched for her for three days before she called Mason from Albuquerque, N.M., claiming to have been abducted and sexually assaulted.

She later recanted, saying she fled because of unspecified personal issues, and pleaded no contest to telling police a phony story.

She was sentenced to two years' probation and performed community service that included mowing the lawns of public buildings.

News of the lawsuit was first reported Monday night by WAGA-TV."

I hope this suit gets thrown out of court faster than Saddam Hussein. No $$ for Runaway Bride! Her ignominious fame should be her only reward!

I will beat you at this game

Why? Because Dr. Don't Know is going to Brooklyn in a few hours. Hopefully I will be able to learn more about the fate of Southeast Jerome, as well as hit BINGO eight or nine times over.

Probably no blog on Monday...

Thumbs down, way down

Hilarious pan of "Employee of the Month" in DVD Talk today. I enjoy vicious movie reviews a thousand times more than laudatory ones. That's why things haven't been the same since Ebert turned into a softie.

""Employee of the Month" takes place in a parallel universe. It's a universe where customers have favorite cashiers at their neighborhood Costco and will literally cheer as they ring up their purchases in a flamboyant fashion. A universe where an employee's personnel file lists the people she has slept with. A universe where Andy Dick is funny.

I have a hard time accepting any of these ideas, though I have to say that while "Employee of the Month" is not funny or good, it doesn't quite rise to the level of offensiveness, either. It's benign and flaccid, like a neutered dog's penis.

Speaking of which, I would be surprised if the three guys who wrote the film -- it took three guys to write this film -- turned out not to be 15-year-old boys. Testicles, farts, gay sex and hits in the crotch comprise a noticeably high percentage of the film's jokes. Even with Jessica Simpson as the female lead, they can only muster one half-hearted breast reference. But MALE genitalia! The film can't stop talking about it!

Dane Cook, a once-hilarious stand-up comedian who has recently become too popular and complacent and is about to suffer a major backlash, stars as Zack, a lowly box-boy at SuperClub (which is definitely NOT Costco, so don't even suggest it). Zack skates through his job lazily, hanging out with a trio of fellow slackers (including Andy Dick, enemy of all comedy) instead of working. Why exert yourself if you can avoid it, right?

Zack's nemesis and polar opposite is Vince (Dax Shepard), the lead cashier and employee of the month 17 months running. (I can accept that Vince is a go-getter. But does NO ONE else at this store do ANY work to provide him with competition?) He wins it one more time and he gets a car as a bonus prize, an act of corporate magnanimity that takes us even further into bizarro world. Vince loathes Zack for his poor work ethic, and Zack hates Vince for being such a goody two-shoes.

Along comes Amy (Jessica Simpson), a non-descript but beautiful transfer from another store who is rumored to have a "thing" for employees of the month. She starts leaning toward Vince, of course, and that drives Zack to get his own act together and compete with Vince for this month's title. If he wins, not only will he prevent Vince from getting that car, but he'll win Amy's heart, too.

I know what you're thinking: This is the stupidest idea for a movie you've ever heard. I hear what you're saying, and I do not disagree. The directorial debut from Greg Coolidge, writer of "Sorority Boys," it's marked by general carelessness and ineptitude, with an extraordinary amount of padding to fill out the run time. Why do we waste 10 minutes on a company softball game in the third act? And why even bother with the motif of Zack forgetting his slacker friends on the way to being an up-and-comer?

"Hahahahaha, we are geniuses!!! Needs more dick jokes though."

Vince is patterned after Michael Scott from "The Office": cocky, insecure, boastful and delusional. He even has a Dwight-like sidekick, Jorge (Efren Ramirez), whose affection for him runs the risk of being funny before retreating comfortably back into the shadows of stupidity.

Oh, something else the movie thinks is funny: little children and old people swearing. I'm not saying it's NOT funny; I'm just saying it's not AUTOMATICALLY funny, every time, no matter what.

If you've already seen "Jackass: Number Two" twice and re-watched your Adam Sandler DVD collection recently, then "Employee of the Month" may be just what you need to tide you over until your next batch of weed comes through. Just keep staring at Jessica Simpson's breasts, dude, and try not to dwell on the inordinate number of gay jokes you're being pummeled with. TRY NOT TO DWELL."

Cuban to eat his words?

It was only a week ago that Mark Cuban declared that only a "moron" would buy YouTube. Now the WSJ is reporting that Google is maneuvering to do just that.

"Google Inc. is in talks to acquire the wildly popular video Web site YouTube Inc. in a deal that could reach $1.6 billion, according to reports Friday.

The Wall Street Journal reported the possible acquisition by Mountain View-based Google.

In September, San Mateo-based YouTube reached a partnership with Warner Music Group for users to upload video from Warner Music and other labels to YouTube regularly, and Warner Music will share in the revenue created through the sale of advertising, which will be featured around the videos.

YouTube is working on an advanced content identification system to track the videos and manage payments sent to the labels.

In addition to the videos themselves, Warner Music will distribute behind-the-scenes footage and other original programming. YouTube users will also be able to incorporate music from Warner artists in videos that they create.

Earlier this year there were rumors that some major media companies were interested in YouTube, but company CEO Chad Hurley said it was not for sale and was considering a possible IPO."

Artists Only

Today's Tom the Dancing Bug:



Click the link to the Salon page if you find your eyes getting all squinty. The comic is a larger size there.

Dear Senator Stevens

Jesus' General addresses his latest missive to the High Priest of Internet Tubes, Sen. Ted Stevens, on the topic of L'Affaire Foley:

"Sen. Ted Stevens
United States Senate

Dear Sen. Stevens,

I heard something very disturbing today. Apparently, newly-former congressman Mark Foley committed some kind of unnatural sexual act with the internets during a vote on the Emergency War Time Supplemental Appropriation Bill. I have no idea how he did it, but given that the internets are simply a bunch of tubes, he had to have had his pants down around his ankles. Think about it. He either sent his little predator on a spelunking mission into the tubes or the tubes spelunked him. Either way, his pants were down.

Now where were Speaker Hastert, Majority Leader Boehner, Ethics Chair Hastings, and RNCC Chair Reynolds when all this was going on. There's no way they missed it. I mean, there's a guy, pants down to his ankles, going to town with the internets' tubes right there on the House floor. They had to see it.

My guess is that they chose to ignore it. Most people wouldn't blame them for that, because most people don't understand the internets tubes. They see a guy boinking them and they shrug it off as a little naughtiness, or they blame the internets for seducing the poor guy.

But Hastert, Boehner, Hastings, and Reynolds should know better. They should know that when a Congressman has his way with the internets, he's going to climax eventually, and that's going to clog up the tubes and prevent the rest of us from getting our email. And it doesn't matter if Foley was uploading. There will still be a lot of vomit and tears clogging up the tubes. At least I think that'd be the case. I can't think of a reason why the internets would react to sex any differently than our wives.

Inasmuch as the House is a wreck right now, I hope you and your colleagues in the Senate will investigate this. We can't have Congressmen plugging up our tubes, even if they are Republican.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot.

Note: Yes, Sen. Stevens is wearing an Incredible Hulk tie. He wore it the last time ANWR came up vote as a warning to those who would dare thwart his will. Rumor has it that after the bill failed, he grew big, turned green, and beat 15 staffers to death with an internets tube."

Zach Braff steals girlfriends

I don't know whether to laugh or barf while I read this cheesy report from Star Magazine. However, I support anything that contributes to the torment of Adam Brody.

"Will the writers of The O.C. need to work in a breakup storyline for stars Adam Brody, 26, and Rachel Bilson?

Quite likely, say sources close to the couple! The cuties, who fell in love on Fox's soapy drama two years ago, "looked like they were on their way to getting engaged just a little while back," says a source, but "are going through a really difficult period right now." One reason may be that offers are pouring in for Rachel because the beautiful brunette is as famous for her style as she is for her acting. Nor may Bilson, who's only 25, be ready for marriage. But the biggest cause of tension may be Rachel's friendship with her The Last Kiss co-star, Zach Braff, 31. "Zach calls Rachel a lot and they talk on the phone like girlfriends," says the insider."

Hahahahahahahaha what a little bitch Zach Braff is.

""But what really eats away at Adam is when Rachel starts talking about how mature Zach is. No guy appreciates his girlfriend comparing him to another guy."

SO MATURE.

Adds another source, "Adam and Rachel were already having some problems and Zach is a distraction Rachel doesn't need right now." If she doesn't cool it with the Scrubs star, she may lose Adam, says the source."

Lose Adam Brody???? The 2006 version of Joshua Jackson??? Oh the agony!

I basically hate everyone mentioned in this story.

[via WWTDD]

Victory is at hand

Do you love frivolous government spending??

Well then you will love this NYT story (via SF Chronicle) about a truly absurd expense!

"(10-04) 04:00 PDT Washington -- Even as the Bush administration urges Americans to stay the course in Iraq, Republicans in Congress have put down a quiet marker in the apparent hope that V-I Day might be only months away.

Tucked away in fine print in the military spending bill for this past year was a lump sum of $20 million to pay for a celebration in the nation's capital "for commemoration of success" in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Not surprisingly, the money was not spent.

Now congressional Republicans are saying, in effect, maybe next year.

A paragraph written into spending legislation and approved by the Senate and House allows the $20 million to be rolled over into 2007.

The original legislation empowered the president to designate "a day of celebration" to commemorate the success of the armed forces in Afghanistan and Iraq, and to "issue a proclamation calling on the people of the United States to observe that day with appropriate ceremonies and activities."

The celebration would honor the soldiers, sailors, air crews and Marines who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, and it would be held in Washington, with the $20 million to cover the costs of military participation.

Democrats on Capitol Hill called attention to the measure, an act that Republicans would probably portray as an attempt to embarrass them five weeks before the midterm election. The Democrats said the original language and the one-year extension were both pushed by Senate Republicans. A spokesman for the Republican-controlled Senate Armed Services Committee said it is protocol not to identify sponsors of such specific legislation, unless they chose to name themselves.

The overall legislation was approved in the Senate by unanimous consent and overwhelmingly in the House after a short debate.

Lt. Col. Brian Maka, a Pentagon spokesman, said late Tuesday that the event was envisioned not so much as a celebration of victory but more as an opportunity for "honoring returning U.S. forces at the conclusion" of operations in Afghanistan and Iraq."

Jay-Z feat. Gwyneth. Pssssshhh

What Would Tyler Durden Do unearthed this gem on YouTube:



As usual WWTDD adds some priceless commentary:

"Okay, so this is that video of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin on stage with Jay Z last week in London, with Paltrow howling like a damn sheep. The magic just never ends with this idiot. Her voice is about as soothing as an alarm clock that punches you in the nuts. I feel bad for her kids. I would sleep better with a bear outside my tent than having to listen to her sing a lullaby. And yet you just know that arrogant bitch thinks she sings like an angel. Jay Z is gonna have to shoot an entire town to get his street cred back after this."

Almost as good, though for a totally different reason as the description that accompanies the clip on YouTube:

"DO NOT DOWNLOAD AND REDISTRIBUTE WITHOUT MY EXPRESS PERMISSION. MP3 AND VIDEO DOWNLOADS OF THIS ARE AVAILABLE ON MY WEBSITE. From Nettie @ MyColdplay.com. Gwyn got up and sang backing vocals on this track for her birthday at Albert Hall, London. YOU GO GIRLFRIEND!"

Dumbass. That's a bootleg video you don't have the rights to in the first place. Not to mention the fact that you put it on YouTube, thereby surrendering your ability to control its distribution. Finally, Gwyneth is not your friend. You stupid poser.

There's no pooping in chess!!!

Here's a wonderful story from the world of high-level chess. It turns out one grandmaster's bathroom breaks have two countries at each other's throats:

"MOSCOW (Reuters) - It went down to the wire but in the end the Russian turned up to play.

A 12-round chess match between Russia's Vladimir Kramnik and Bulgarian Veselin Topalov to decide the world's top player resumed on Monday after a row over toilet breaks forced a two-day suspension.

Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, World Chess Federation president and head of the south Russian republic Kalmykia hosting the match, interrupted a conference with Russian President
Vladimir Putin to broker a successful truce between the two teams at the weekend.

"It (the sixth game) started one hour ago," Ilyumzhinov told Reuters from Elista, the capital of Kalmykia.

Kramnik, the reigning Classical World Chess champion, leads Topalov, the World Chess Federation champion, 3-2. The match has been billed as a reunification between the two rival chess organizations after a 13-year split.

Kramnik and his coach had threatened not to play the sixth game of the series on Monday unless organizers scrapped a game he forfeited on Friday.

That game was forfeited after Topalov suggested his opponent might have cheated by visiting the toilet too many times during play.

Kramnik: When you gotta go, you gotta go

The toilet is the only place the players are not under video surveillance during their match and Kramnik, who suffers from an arthritic condition which makes it painful to sit still for too long, visited it around 50 times in one game.

The teams refused to compromise over toilet inspections and use until 30 minutes before a midnight deadline on Sunday.

"Yesterday evening I signed a protocol of interest and protocol of cooperation with the team of Veselin Topalov and the team of Vladimir Kramnik," Ilyumzhinov said.

Each player will receive $500,000 regardless of who wins the match.

In Sofia, Bulgarian President Georgi Parvanov has insisted on almost hourly updates on how Topalov -- Bulgarian sportsman of the year in 2005 -- is playing and the row over Kramnik's visits to the toilet has incensed the Bulgarian public.

"Topalov should never have gone to Russia," one internet forum note read. "If we win, we will have beaten the whole of Russia.""

As a certified doctor of medical magic, I can assure you that the brain waves produced from the domes of top chess masters have the ability to vibrate through the body causing all sorts of bizarre effects. Don't hate on Kramnik just because his brain waves vibrate his kidneys and small intestine. It's science.

Much ado about Foley

The Mark Foley scandal (see yesterday's post for the details) did not occur in a vacuum.

The sanctimonious "Party of Values" looked the other way as this predatory hypocrite stalked teen pages for years.

Daily Kos explains why:

"We know that the House Republican leadership knew about Foley's predatory practices. We know they turned a blind eye. Amongst all the questions we have, there's one obvious one -- why?

And the answer, more than anything else, shows how morally bankrupt the GOP has become.

Foley represented a moderately conservative district, FL-16. In 2000, Bush beat Gore 53-47. In 2004, Bush beat Kerry 54-46. It was a district which Foley had represented since 1994, with his worst showing his first election with a 58% victory. In 2002 he won with 79%, in 2004 with 68%. This was a safe Republican district. Foley also raised a lot of money, and as the recent $100K gift from Foley to the NRCC attests, the party needed his fundraising skills.

Then 2006 rolls around. The GOP is facing a tough reelection with history, Bush, and their own incompetence weighing down their chances. The DCCC has had a banner fundraising and candidate recruitment year. And suddenly, Foley faces the GOP's worst nightmare in Tim Mahoney -- a Democratic challenger who 1) was a former Republican, and 2) is worth $8 gazillion and can self-fund his race. Mahoney announced his candidacy October 12, 2005, right around the time the House leadership was trying to figure out what to do about Foley's predatory practices.

Without Foley on the ticket, not only would the GOP suddenly face a competitive contest in a relatively safe district, but it would cost them $2-3 million to defend -- money that they no longer have available.

So they made a decision. They were going to look the other way despite knowing about Foley's predatory actions against the House's pages, and in return, Foley would keep them one seat closer to the majority and save them millions.

Forget about Foley. He's done. What's incredible about this scandal is the lengths this Republican Party will go to maintain their majorities. We already knew that power trumped everything for these guys. But coddling a child predator merely to save some cash and protect a single House seat.

They should've been protecting the kids working the House instead."

Stephen Elliott describes why this kind of behavior - not necessarily exploiting kids, but wanton, willful criminality - is only too typical of the GOP these days:

"Here's some things about Mark Foley. He had led Congressional efforts to protect children. He started a restaurant when he was only 20 years old. He was named a deputy whip by disgraced Republican Congressman Tom DeLay. He was a frequent guest on Bill O'Reilly. His name will still be on the ballot representing Republicans in the election this November.

What's illuminating here is not that a pedophile held Congressional office. That's just sad and awful, especially for the children he took advantage of and exploited. What's illuminating is the Congressman's behavior. Sending text messages and emails? As if he could never be caught; as if he was invulnerable. And it's exactly the kind of arrogance and poor judgement that has come to dominate the Republican Party. Like Bob Ney and Duke Cunningham who brazenly accepted bribes and illegal campaign contributions. Same with Tom DeLay. Worse, like George Bush and Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, tirelessly insisting we're winning, things are getting better in Iraq, when anybody can see they're getting worse. As if the truth won't come out. It's a culture of corruption that believes it can never get caught.

The Republican Party (which turns out to have known about Foley's indiscretions for months) has become the nexus for bad judgement, criminality, hubris, and lies. Mark Foley got caught not because he's a pedophile, but because he's a dumb pedophile. Cunningham and Ney are doing jail time not because they took bribes but because they were blatant, too sure of themselves. It's the same kind of thinking that has turned everything else in this administration so bad.

Mark Foley is a sad, sick individual and I'm not capable of feeling sympathy for those that prey on the young so I won't pretend to. Frankly, I know too many people that have never recovered after becoming victims to people like Mr. Foley. But beyond all of that is his ignorance, the fact that he would leave a paper trail straight to his congressional office- he is also a symbol of everything wrong with a Republican Party that has rotted from within."

Dag!

That's some cold shit.

Now that's what I call moral values

Hallelujah!! Another sinner is being forced to repent my brothers and sisters!

Please open your hymnals to USA Today, hymn number 100206, "Mark Foley Is A Hypocritical Conservative Sleaze"!!

"You have to wonder what leaders of the House think is important. Whatever it is, sexual exploitation of teenagers by congressmen apparently is not high on the list.

How else can one explain the leadership's failure to even investigate the advances Rep. Mark Foley, R-Fla., made to a 16-year-old male House page? Foley resigned Friday after ABC News published sexually explicit e-mail exchanges he had had with the page.

Several House leaders had known about the matter at least since spring but failed to take appropriate action. Even accepting their insistence that they knew only of ambiguously "overfriendly" e-mail, rather than the unmistakable obscenities that have recently come to light, their reaction is disturbing.

(Foley will soon be running for Florida State Senate on the NAMBLA ticket.)

The slightest hint of a member of Congress making advances toward an underage page is a serious matter. More so because it has happened before, disgracing two congressmen in the 1980s. It speaks directly to the integrity of the institution and the safety of the teens who work for it. For that reason, House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Ill., had every obligation to investigate this matter fully.

Instead he and other Republican leaders maintained what could at best be termed a posture of willful ignorance. Hastert asserts that he only recently was apprised of the matter. Members of his staff and other leaders make no such claim.

Unless a better explanation appears, the one most likely to be accepted is of an effort to sweep an embarrassment under the rug.

Foley was co-chairman of the Missing and Exploited Children Caucus. He had positioned himself as one of the biggest defenders of children on Capitol Hill. His party presents itself as the one more in tune with family values. From a purely political standpoint, Republicans had little incentive to pry into his behavior during a tough election year.

But at least once in a while, integrity should trump politics.

When Rep. Rodney Alexander, R-La., the former employer of the page, came forward with his concerns about some e-mail he had seen, his actions should have prompted an investigation by the House Ethics Committee, or even the Capitol Police.

Instead, Hastert's aides merely referred Alexander to the clerk of the House, who notified Rep. John Shimkus, R-Ill., chairman of the House Page Board. The two apparently spoke to Foley, who insisted that the e-mails were harmless.

That's not good enough, Hastert's belated call Sunday for an investigation aside. Unfortunately, placing politics over principle is what we have come to expect from Congress. From soaring budget deficits to outlays for bridges to nowhere, no other incident quite so vividly explains why."

Denny Hastert is preaching for retribution high from the mountaintop:

""Since the communications involved interstate communications there should be a complete investigation and prosecution of federal laws that have been violated," Hastert said.

"In addition, since the communications appear to have existed for three years, there should be an investigation into the extent there are persons who knew or had possession of these messages but did not report them to the appropriate authorities," Hastert wrote."

Someone should tell Brother Denny that the mountaintop is where the lightning strikes! He's known about this scandal since the SPRING of 2006!!