Thursday, November 30, 2006

How to spend 60 billion yen!

Although the Red Sox have not yet signed Japanese superstar Daisuke Matsuzaka, enabling his old team (the Seibu Lions) to cash in on the $51 million dollar posting fee, it seems that Seibu has already begun to spend its loot. The guys over at Yard Work intercepted this top-secret communique!

"FROM THE DESK OF: Hidekazu Ota

Yoshiaki-san!

I am honored to report that the American Red Sox have offered most fortunately to provide baseball club Seibu in the amount of $51,111,111.11 American dollars representing the privilege of discussions to be held alongside Daisuke-san. And yes, the number encouraged laughter from me as well. A curiosity!

As the volunteered total presented by the American Red Sox converts to yen in the amount of 5,959,300,062.26, I approach humbly your wisdom by including list (look downward!) for the purpose of disbursing the lucky sum.

179,350,000
Deluxe toilet installation throughout Invoice Seibu Dome accompanying speaking flush activation, LED panel display, automated wiping arm.

93,877,400
Promotion Uni Sea Urchin Day in Invoice Seibu Dome — all which can be consumed by a single person. (”Kimigayo” singing resides within performance by Takeru Kobayashi beginning daily contest. Suggestion!)

83,456,300
Acquisition of zoological lion for display outside Invoice Seibu Dome.

31,750,000
Yu-gi-oh! Silent Swordsman Level 7 which for Ota Jr. has distressingly craved for diverse months.

1,047,250,000
Promotional film features American Nicolas Cage ensconced within baseball club Seibu licensed garments, calling on its ancestors for encouragement towards Seibu victory championship.

943,255,000
Construction for comprehensive moat/parapet system surrounds Invoice Seibu Dome for protect from Gojira-type monster (zoological lion may also feature in protect from Gojira-type monster).

799,988,388
Recombination of Pizzicato Five Musical Assemblage by way of demonstration of cultural superiority pertaining to baseball club Yomiuri Giants.

1,658,346,600
Newly created nationally broadcast contest program for which participants by invitation to Invoice Seibu Dome have been required to undergo broad scopes of extremities (dropping own children from roof of Invoice Seibu Dome, inserting of numerous baseballs into the anus as examples which are appealing) for the purpose of acquisition of admittance to future games by baseball club Seibu.

380,000,000
Dangled for the purpose of attracting discontented American Superstar Gregg Zaun.

470,125,000
Development for comprehensive negative-channel K-class proton field system surrounds Invoice Seibu Dome for protect from electric-type monster/Yomiuri Giants (zoological lion may also feature in protect from electric-type monster/Yomiuri Giants).

138,930,000
Cyborg upgrade within zoological lion.

81,860,263.15
Styled african hairpieces and applied pigmentary skin unguent for to distribute to spectators of Invoice Seibu Dome on originated “Simulating Cool Appearance By Hip-Hop American Rap Singing Star” event promotion. (Still awaiting definitive clarification of Cool American Item “Bling.” Most helpful should Yoshiaki-san encounter occasion to speak next to Rupert Murdoch for asking. Suggestion!)

51,111,111.11
Gratuity amount provided to American Red Sox, for jesting.

Please to contact me in association with your good wishes for disposition of cash money. Welcoming and honoring any such suggestion pertaining to requests as written down on top of this. Thank you.

Seibu Lion say: Roar!

Humbly,
Hidekazu Ota
President, Baseball Club Seibu Lions
"

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Bob Ritchie vs. Borat

Page Six reports that Kid Rock did not find the Borat film to be "very nice" or "great success"...

"JUST three months after they wed in St. Tropez, Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce from Kid Rock (real name Bob Richie) because of his "male insecurity and major anger issues," a close pal said.

The final straw was a bellicose blowup Rock threw at Universal Studio chief Ron Meyer's Beverly Hills house two weeks ago.

"Ron Meyer held a screening of 'Borat' at his house for a bunch of people, including Pam and Bob," says an Anderson pal. "It was the first time Bob had seen the movie, and, well, he didn't like it."

The hugely popular film shows Sasha Baron Cohen - in character as Borat Sagdiyev - falling in love with Anderson after seeing her in a "Baywatch" rerun, then driving across America in order to propose marriage to her.

Her friend tells Page Six, "Bob started screaming at Pam, saying she had humiliated herself and telling her, 'You're nothing but a whore! You're a slut! How could you do that movie?' - in front of everyone. It was very embarrassing.

"Pam thought he could have a sense of humor about the movie. She was in on the gag from the very beginning and loved doing the movie. And on the eve of what was supposed to be a very positive thing, he made it an awful night.

"Ever since that night, it has been icicles between them," the friend relates. "Bob is just a very unhappy and angry man. Pam is very disenchanted and sad. You know, there are reasons why she never married him before. Those reasons disappeared while they were together on a boat in St. Tropez, but she knows now that they never went away. The reality is he is an insecure, angry man."


Pam loves angry and insecure men. Not!

Anderson, who suffered a miscarriage this month, left her Malibu home Sunday until Rock could pack up his stuff and leave. She took her two boys, Brandon and Dylan (sired by ex-husband Tommy Lee), to Shutters in Santa Monica.

"Pam is just very happy to not be in the same house with so much passive-aggressive hostility in it," the friend adds.
"

I will cede the floor for snarky comments from the always excellent What Would Tyler Durden Do:

"Um, really. The star of 'Joe Dirt' and 'Biker Boyz' is looking down on Pam because of her movie choices? And did it really take the Borat movie for Bob to realize that Pam is a slut? It's Pam Anderson. Pam doing something slutty is like a badger being mean or Jesus flying through the clouds and saving people. That's just what they do. Pam's been a slut for like 20 years now. If you showed me a picture of her with her legs spread, you'd have to include a football next to it for scale."

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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Closed-minded Christian Coalition loses leader

Apprently the anointed leader of the Christian Coalition has decided to bail. Despite the fact that Jesus' teachings extend further than "stop abortion, no gay marriage", the group's membership really doesn't want to deal with any other issues. Fighting poverty and inequality, caring for the least among us? Why, only pinko liberals care about that! Responsible stewardship of our Earth? What are you, some kind of tree hugging hippie?

It's a joke that these people are referred to as "values voters".

"The president-elect of the Christian Coalition of America has declined the job, saying the organization wouldn't let him expand its agenda beyond opposing abortion and gay marriage.

The Rev. Joel Hunter, who was scheduled to take over the socially conservative group in January from Roberta Combs, said he had hoped to focus on issues such as poverty and the environment.

"These are issues that Jesus would want us to care about," said Hunter, a senior pastor at Northland Church in Longwood, Fla.

Hunter announced his decision not to take the job during an organization board meeting Nov. 21. A statement issued by the group said Hunter left because of "differences in philosophy and vision." Hunter said he was not asked to leave.

"They pretty much said, 'These issues are fine, but they're not our issues, that's not our base,'" Hunter said.

His resignation is the latest setback for the once-powerful group.


All Jesus cares about is stopping abortions and gays. And hugging Scott Bakula.

The Christian Coalition, founded in 1989 by religious broadcaster Pat Robertson, became one of the nation's most powerful conservative groups during the 1990s, but it has faced complaints in recent years about its finances, leadership and plans to veer into nontraditional policy areas. The group claims more than 2 million members.
"

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Monday, November 27, 2006

92 year old killed in gun battle with cops

An unbelievable crime story from the Atlanta, Georgia streets.

"ATLANTA, Georgia (AP) -- Many people on the run-down northwest Atlanta street where Kathryn Johnston lived fortify their windows with metal bars and arm themselves for protection.

Johnston, 92, was no exception.

Alone in her home, she was waiting with her gun on Tuesday night when a group of plainclothes officers with a warrant knocked down her door in a search for drugs, police said.

She opened fire, wounding three officers, before being shot to death, police said.

Assistant Police Chief Alan Dreher called the killing "tragic and unfortunate" but said the officers were justified in returning fire.

"You don't know who's in the house until you open that door," Dreher said Wednesday. "And once they forced open the door, they were immediately fired upon."

The Rev. Markel Hutchins, a civil rights activist and spokesman for Johnston's family, said he could understand why the elderly woman would arm herself.

"She was afraid," Hutchins said. "This is a horrifying situation in a neighborhood where crime happens often. This incident is a result of a mix-up."

The officers had gone to the old woman's house with a search warrant after buying drugs there from a man known only as Sam, police said.

Police issued a "John Doe" warrant on Wednesday for the arrest of Sam, believed to be in his early to mid 30s, who allegedly sold the drugs to the undercover agent.


She went down guns blazing.

Dreher would not say how the dealer knew Johnston.

Investigators also said they found drugs in the home after Johnston was killed.

Officer Joe Cobb, a police spokesman, said the type of drug involved would not be disclosed until it was verified by the crime lab.

District Attorney Paul Howard said his office is looking into the shooting but that a preliminary review indicated the officers had a right to search the home.

Crime and drugs are a part of the landscape in the rough neighborhood where Johnston lived, and her neighbors said they do what it takes to protect themselves.

"It's the roughest neighborhood in Georgia," said 56-year-old Allen Pernel, who lives a few blocks from Johnston's home. "If she thought somebody was coming into her house, she did what any of us would have done."

Al Harley, a 50-year-old homeless man who hangs out in front of a neighborhood convenience store, said residents follow a sort of credo: "Don't let anyone disrespect your door."

The police chief said the officers had identified themselves and then forced open the door of Johnson's house where she had lived for 17 years.

Investigator Gary Smith, 38, was shot in the leg and Investigator Cary Bond, 38, was struck in the arm.

Investigator Gregg Junnier, 40, was hit in the leg, the face and his bulletproof vest. They were taken to the hospital and are expected to recover.

Johnston had no children and her closest relative was a 75-year-old niece, neighbors said.

"She hardly came outside her home," said Tameka Walker, 28, who lives behind Johnston's house and used to visit her. "She's not a 92-year-old grouchy old woman you think she was. She's a very nice person."
"

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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Gallery of the Absurd

This awesome website takes the latest in tabloid fodder and turns it into weird, funny art.

Check out this depiction of Nicole Richie in the wild:



Or Keira Knightley in the style of Toulouse-Lautrec:



Here's one of my least favorite tabloid celebrities, obese oil heir Brandon Davis.

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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Kramer: "Sorry I dropped the N-bomb"

Paul Farhi, best known for picking fights with his colleague Tony Kornheiser, has the story:

"Michael Richards, who played the quirky Cosmo Kramer on "Seinfeld," apologized yesterday for using racist language in an angry exchange with an African American man at a comedy club on Friday.

Richards, 57, appeared on "Late Show With David Letterman" last night to say he was sorry about his tirade at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood during a stand-up performance. "I lost my temper onstage," he said, adding, "I said some pretty nasty things to some Afro Americans. . . . You know, I'm really busted up over this and I'm very, very sorry."

Footage of the outburst made its way onto the Internet yesterday, prompting the comic actor's response. The clip shows Richards interrupting his monologue onstage and yelling "Shut up!" at a patron, who apparently had been heckling during Richards's routine.

Richards then exploded, "Fifty years ago they'd have you hanging upside down with a [expletive] fork up your [expletive]. Throw his [expletive] out!"

He then repeatedly used a crude racial slur to label the man.

While some in the audience laughed, one unidentified woman can be heard on a tape of the incident gasping, "Oh, my God!" at the remarks.


I'm doing a coffee table book on racial slurs.

The man continued to yell back at Richards, saying several times, "That was uncalled for!" He called Richards a series of names, including "cracker" and "[expletive] white boy" and disparaged his post-"Seinfeld" career.

"Yeah, I'm washed up," Richards replied mockingly.

It's possible that he is. Other prominent people, such as Mel Gibson and Sen. George Allen (R-Va.), have inflicted career-threatening wounds by making racially insensitive remarks in recent months. Gibson apologized repeatedly for a drunken rant against a Jewish policeman who arrested him in July. Allen also apologized after calling a young worker for his opponent "macaca" at a rally in August. The incident became an issue in Allen's unsuccessful bid for reelection.

Richards made an unscheduled appearance on the Letterman show, appearing via satellite from Los Angeles at the request of his former co-star Jerry Seinfeld, who was a guest on the show, according to a CBS source.

His sometimes rambling apology took on a Krameresque spin when he said, "There's a great deal of disturbance in this country, and how blacks feel about what happened in Katrina and, you know, many of the comics, many of the performers are in Las Vegas and New Orleans trying to raise money for what happened there, and for this to happen, for me to be in a comedy club and flip out and say this crap, you know, I'm deeply, deeply sorry. And I'll get to the force field of this hostility, why it's there, why the rage is in any of us, why the trash takes place, whether or not it's between me and a couple of hecklers in the audience or between this country and another nation, the rage . . . "

Seinfeld, who had previously been booked to promote the DVD release of "Seinfeld's" seventh season, had earlier issued a statement saying he was "sick" over Richards's remarks.

"I'm sure Michael is also sick over this horrible, horrible mistake," Seinfeld said in his statement. "It is so extremely offensive. I feel terrible for all the people who have been hurt."

Richards's rant was condemned by protesters who showed up at the comedy club Monday and by some of his fellow comedians. "Once the word comes out of your mouth and you don't happen to be African American, then you have a whole lot of explaining," comedian Paul Rodriguez said in an interview with CNN. "Freedom of speech has its limitations, and I think Michael Richards found those limitations."

The incident ended Friday when Richards, who was billed in advance of the show only as a special guest, left the stage without finishing his routine. The club's host, Frazer Smith, then took the stage and told the crowd, "I want to tell you guys, sorry about that." By then, many were getting up to leave. Richards returned to the club and performed Saturday night.
"

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Monday, November 20, 2006

Who REALLY supports the troops?

I think I'll let this one speak for itself. ArmyTimes.com writes:

"A group representing Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans says voting records do not match words in Congress about supporting the troops.

“Every member of Congress claims to support the troops, but this guide shows us that, more often than not, the rhetoric does not match the reality,” said Paul Rieckhoff, an Iraq War veteran and the founder and executive director of Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, which assigned grades to the House and Senate based on a review of six years of votes on military and veterans’ issues such as Tricare for reservists or bigger veterans’ health care budgets.

“A legislator’s low score can be directly linked to the unnecessary hardship that U.S. troops, Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans, and military families often face. There is no excuse for a low score,” Rieckhoff said.

About one-quarter of the lawmakers received an A, while 86 received a D or F.

The complete score for members of Congress — House and Senate — is available at the association’s Web site, searchable by ZIP code or state.

Released weeks before the Nov. 7 general elections, the ratings draw comparisons between Republicans, who control the House and Senate, and Democrats, who are in the minority.

The group gives an A average to the top four Democratic leaders in the House while giving an average grade of C to the top four Republicans. One of the biggest differences is among the senior party leaders. House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Ill., gets an F from the veterans group while House Democratic leader Rep. Nancy Pelosi of California gets an A.

IAVA Senate Rankings

Huh. Fancy that...

House Veterans’ Affairs Committee Chairman Rep. Steve Buyer, R-Ind., received a C from the veterans group while Rep. Lane Evans of Illinois, the committee’s ranking Democrat who is retiring from Congress at the end of the year, received an A.

House Armed Services Committee Chairman Rep. Duncan Hunter, R-Calif., received a C while the committee’s ranking Democrat, Rep Ike Skelton of Missouri, received an A minus.

The ratings give a B plus to Sen. Daniel Akaka, ranking Democrat on the Senate Veterans’ Affairs Committee and a D minus to the committee chairman, Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho. Senate Armed Services Committee chairman Sen. John Warner, R-Va., did slightly better than Craig, with a D plus, while Sen. Carl Levin of Michigan, the armed services committee’s top Democrat, received a B plus.

The association statement says the results are startling.

“This should be a wake-up call for every American who thinks Congress is doing all it can for those who have sacrificed so much,” Rieckhoff said. “We should all demand more from our elected officials.

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Wednesday, November 15, 2006

FOX NEWS PAYS $$$ TO TERRORISTS

This is no joke. Frickin' unbelievable!

"Palestinian terror groups and security organizations in the Gaza Strip received $2 million from a United States source in exchange for the release of Fox News employees Steve Centanni and Olag Wiig, who were kidnapped here last summer, a senior leader of one of the groups suspected of the abductions told WND.

The terror leader, from the Gaza-based Popular Resistance Committees, said his organization's share of the money was used to purchase weapons, which he said would be utilized "to hit the Zionists."

He said he expects the payments for Centanni and Wiig's freedom will encourage Palestinian groups to carry out further kidnappings.

Officials associated with Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas' Fatah party and its security organization, the Preventative Security Services, confirmed to WND money was paid for the release of the Fox News reporters.... the money was used to purchase weapons.

"We used 100 percent of the money for one precise goal – our war against the Zionists," the Committees leader said.

He said weapons purchased included rockets.


Praise Allah and Shep Smith!

"Regarding the others (the Dugmash clan of the Committees) who received the money, I can tell you one thing is very clear – this went also to be used against the Zionists. I can't say every cent went to buy bombs, maybe it also went to pay for salaries, smuggling, buying shelter."....

A spokeswoman for Fox News Channel told WND she could not provide an official statement about whether Fox was aware of money paid to free its two employees.

A source at Fox told WND many parties were involved with the freedom of Centanni and Wiig, including the U.S. government, and that it was possible money was paid."

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The Colonel Goes Intergalactic

For fast food magnates, it's tough to beat Colonel Sanders -- a crochety old hound who used to randomly stop at KFCs across America and berate the managers if they weren't making the chicken with adequate tastiness.

The Colonel is now visible from space. I can't decide if I love this or hate this. I'm skewing love this.

"From space, extraterrestrials and astronauts can look back to earth and see The Great Wall of China -- and KFC's Colonel Sanders.

The KFC Corp. on Tuesday launched a rebranding campaign with an 87,500 square-foot image of Colonel Sanders in the Nevada desert which the company says makes Kentucky Fried Chicken the world's first brand visible from space.

"If there are extraterrestrials in outer space, KFC wants to become their restaurant of choice," KFC President Gregg Dedrick said in a statement.

The logo consists of 65,000 one-foot by one-foot painted tile pieces that were assembled like a giant jigsaw puzzle.

"If we hear back from a life form in space today - whether NASA astronauts or a signal from some life form on Mars - we'll send up some Original Recipe Chicken," said Dedrick.


Now serving crispy strips on Pluto.

The logo also depicts an updated version of KFC icon Colonel Sanders who wears his signature string tie but with a red apron instead of his classic white double-breasted suit.

The logo was built at the remote Area 51 desert near Rachel, Nevada, which KFC said was known as the UFO capital of the world and famous for its association with UFO conspiracy theories.
"

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Monday, November 13, 2006

Macaca Speaks!

I love the title of this piece from the Washington Post by S.R. Siddarth: "I AM MACACA"!

This guy is probably singlehandedly responsible for turning the US Senate over to the Democrats. With a little help from his friends at YouTube.

"This past summer, between my third and fourth year of college, I decided to volunteer for the campaign of Democratic Senate candidate Jim Webb in my home state of Virginia. For most of the summer, I worked behind the scenes at the campaign headquarters in Arlington, helping set up field offices statewide and performing other odd jobs. In the second week of August, I was dispatched by the campaign to serve as Republican Sen. George Allen's tracker on a "listening tour" across the state. Tracking was a rather solitary pursuit; I videotaped Allen's public appearances whenever I was admitted into an event and killed time between stops in places I had never been to before.

Then, on Aug. 11, my experience took a strange -- and now famous -- turn. On that day in Breaks Interstate Park, located on the Kentucky border, Allen acknowledged my presence for the first time in one of his stump speeches. I was singled out at a GOP picnic, identified as "macaca or whatever his name is" -- despite the fact that Allen knew my name, as we had been traveling the same route for five days -- and then "welcome[d] to America and the real world of Virginia."

Allen's actions that day stood out because they were not representative of how I was treated while traveling around the state. Everywhere I went, though I was identifiably working on behalf of Allen's opponent, people treated me with dignity, respect and kindness. I cannot recall one event where food was served and I was not invited to join in the meal. In southwest Virginia, hospitality toward me was at a high point.

The night before the incident in Breaks, I stayed at the home of Jewel Jones, Webb's aunt, in Gate City on the Tennessee border. I was treated like family even though I was a guest for only half a day, and I received a grand tour of the area where Webb's ancestors have lived for more than a century. The following day, at the picnic in Breaks, even after Allen's comments highlighted my outsider status, I was not allowed to depart without eating, because as one woman put it, "Political differences are set aside at the dinner table." In the same spirit, I was given accurate directions to Allen's next event, held in Bluefield the following morning.


Behold the legendary Macaca!

After Allen's remarks, my heritage suddenly became a matter of widespread interest. I am proud to be a second-generation Indian American and a practicing Hindu. My parents were born and raised in India and immigrated here more than 25 years ago; I have known no home other than Northern Virginia. The hairstyle inflicted upon me by two friends late one night also became newsworthy; for the record, it was intended to be a mullet and has since grown out to nearly the appropriate length.

The larger question that this experience brings up is: How far has society progressed on the issues of race and openness? By 2050, according to most projections, the United States will be a minority-majority nation. But the fact that Allen believed I was an immigrant, when in fact I am a native Virginian, underlines the problems our society still faces.

Then again, Webb's victory last week gives me hope that Virginia will not tolerate playing the race card. It is still hard for me to accept that I could have had a pivotal role in the election results; I would not wish the scrutiny I received on anyone. But I am also glad to have helped Webb. Every little bit counted, especially in an election decided by about 9,000 votes out of nearly 2.4 million cast.

The politics of division just don't work anymore. Nothing made me happier on election night than finding out the results from Dickenson County, where Allen and I had our encounter. Webb won there, in what I can only hope was a vote to deal the race card out of American politics once and for all.
"

Friday, November 10, 2006

Thespian of the Year: ATENE

Oh. Mah. Gaw.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Daniel Craig sustains injury to nuts

A funny story from the set of Casino Royale:

"Daniel Craig has revealed he suffered an injury to his secret parts while filming the new Bond flick Casino Royale.

The actor who plays the supersmooth superspy was left wincing when a misplaced whip made contact down below during an action sequence.


I vow to bust a cap in the man who whipped my balls!

In the scene, Bond is stripped and tied to chair before being whipped by baddie Le Chiffre, played by Danish actor Mads Mikkelsen.

However a blunder in the measurements of the whip and chair that Craig sat on, meant the end of the whip made contact with his privates when it should have only hit the chair.

He said: "I just jumped like eight feet in the air shouting 'Stop!' and left the room rather hastily."

However, Craig knew that playing Bond would be no picnic physically so after a dose of painkillers he carried on filming.

He joked: "If you don't get bruised playing Bond you're not doing it properly."
"

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Faith Hill Flips Out

This is awesome. YouTube is the greatest! (For as long as this stays up anyway.)

Law 'n' Order



Listen up citizens! It's the Sherriff with the latest in law enforcement news!

I have a series of articles collected by the Boston Globe that show the excellence of our nation's law enforcement in action. Every day, these brave men and women in blue fight the forces of evil and crime on the mean streets of America. You'd better heed their commands or you might find yourself corralled with extreme prejudice!

This is the kind of scum that lawmen like me have to deal with on a daily basis:

"EL CERRITO, Calif. --A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors -- naked -- and he told them he had a tool in his rectum, authorities said.

The man was lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path, near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station Thursday, police said.

John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure. But when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool, said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan.

"You can't get much more concealed than that," Horgan said.

Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident.

Sheehan, who was paroled from state prison last week, was then booked into jail on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a concealed weapon.

"When you're talking about an awl or an ice pick and you're dealing with somebody who's fresh out of prison, it's a weapon. That's a stabbing instrument," Horgan said.

It was not immediately clear what Sheehan was on parole for. A person answering the phone at the jail Friday night did not know whether Sheehan had a lawyer.
"

Who needs a lawyer when you have an awl in your butt?

It's not easy being a cop, everywhere you turn there's someone trying to sabotage the community. Take this horror story for instance:

"ALBUQUERQUE --Two police officers have sued Burger King Corp., claiming they were served hamburgers that had been sprinkled with marijuana.

The lawsuit says Mark Landavazo and Henry Gabaldon, officers for the Isleta Pueblo tribal police, were in uniform and riding in a marked patrol car when they bought meals at the drive-through lane Oct. 8 of a Burger King restaurant in Los Lunas, N.M.

The officers ate about half of their burgers before discovering marijuana on the meat, the lawsuit said. They used a field test kit to confirm the substance was pot, then went to a hospital for medical evaluations.

"It gives a whole new meaning to the word 'Whopper,'" the officers' attorney, Sam Bregman, said Monday. "The idea that these hoodlums would put marijuana into a hamburger and therefore attempt to impair law enforcement officers trying to do their jobs is outrageous."

Three Burger King employees were arrested and charged with possession of marijuana and aggravated battery on an officer, a felony. They later were indicted.

The lawsuit, filed Friday in Bernalillo County, alleges personal injury, negligence, battery and violation of fair practices. It seeks unspecified damages along with legal costs.

Officials at Miami-based Burger King declined to comment, citing a company policy against discussing pending litigation.
"

And sometimes, the greatest threat to an officer's safety is the officer himself...

"LAFAYETTE, Ind. --A Kentucky police officer trying to unload his gun accidentally shot himself while driving on an Indiana highway, police said.

Sullivan McCurdy, 41, an officer with the Radcliff Police Department, was driving south on Interstate 65 near Lafayette Sunday when the weapon discharged, Indiana State Police said. A bullet struck the 10-year police veteran in the right leg, police said.

McCurdy was listed Monday in satisfactory condition at St. Elizabeth Medical Center in Lafayette, said hospital spokesman Matthew Oates.
"

Monday, November 06, 2006

The Imelda Collection

Imelda Marcos is coming out with a fashion line. Insert shoe-related punchline here.

"Former Philippine first lady Imelda Marcos, who made headlines for her vast shoe collection, is embarking on a new project — a fashion line.

The 77-year-old widow of dictator Ferdinand Marcos told reporters Monday that she planned to launch "The Imelda Collection" of fashion jewelry and accessories on Nov. 18.

Marcos became notorious for her shopping trips to ritzy shops in New York while her country wallowed in poverty under martial law declared by her husband.

The first of Marcos' designs to be shown to the public are accessories and the jewelry and will "not yet" include shoes, her daughter, Rep. Imee Marcos, said.


My jewelry, you can buy. My shoes - hands off!

Lying on a divan in a Manila hotel's seaside garden, Imelda Marcos wore a gossamer top, black pants and several chunky necklaces, rings and bracelet sets from her collection as her grandson, Martin "Borgy" Manotoc, directed a photo shoot.

"One day my grandson came to me and said, `Mama Meldy, I would like to use your collection to tell the world the real Imelda and the spirit of my grandma,'" she told reporters. "It's only beauty that can feed the spirit."
"

Friday, November 03, 2006

Don't fall for the scare tactics!

Eugene Robinson of the Washington Post has a very good column today about the Republican politics of fear. Since they have absolutely no accomplishments to trumpet, the GOP has been reduced to demonizing the Democrats (or as they call them, the "Democrat Party") and equating a Democratic victory with "the terrorists win".

This strategy insults the intelligence of the electorate, and I will be appalled if it works.

"If Democrats manage to take control of one or both houses of Congress on Tuesday, the reason will be that voters were not adequately roused into a state of heart-pounding, knee-knocking, teeth-chattering fear.

Not that Republicans haven't been trying. George W. Bush used to claim he was "a uniter, not a divider," but that was a long time ago. These days, he'd probably try to deny the quote the same way he tried to disown "stay the course." The Karl Rove formula for political victory has been to draw a bright line between "us" and "them" and then paint those on the other side not as opponents but as monsters.

Thus Bush openly accused those who disagree with his policy in Iraq of giving aid and comfort to the enemy. "The Democrat approach in Iraq comes down to this: The terrorists win and America loses," he said the other day.

Call me naive, but I never thought a president of the United States would stoop so low as to accuse current and prospective members of Congress -- a number of whom, by the way, are decorated war veterans, unlike Bush or anyone in his inner circle -- of being pro-terrorist. But this administration has so lowered the bar on political discourse in this country that it's now more of a limbo stick: How low can you go?

I've pointed out in earlier columns the difference between a leader who faces troubled times with a message of bravery and optimism -- Franklin D. Roosevelt's stirring words about the Great Depression, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself," constitute perhaps the best example -- and a leader such as Bush who encourages people to be afraid because their fear is advantageous to him politically.

This goes beyond other scare tactics that have become standard practice. Republican candidates throughout the land are telling people that the Democrats "want to raise your taxes." The truth of the matter is that many Democrats question some of the Bush administration tax cuts because the benefits have gone so disproportionately to the very rich and because continuing to cut taxes when you're also throwing hundreds of billions of dollars at a long-running war is pure fiscal insanity. But in the context of today's political culture, this kind of distortion doesn't even warrant a raised eyebrow.

Republicans are also trying to demonize individuals, warning that if Democrats take control of the House, Nancy Pelosi (gasp!), who represents San Francisco (shudder!), will become speaker. Never mind that she is actually an effective and pragmatic politician, as evidenced by the fact that, days before the election, she has the Republicans playing defense.

"Wedge" issues are designed to invoke fear. As one would expect, Republicans have tried to portray the New Jersey Supreme Court decision on gay marriage -- which did not, by the way, endorse, mandate or even legalize gay marriage -- as some sort of mortal threat to family values from coast to coast. This effort has been oddly halfhearted, though. Maybe GOP strategists worry that stigmatizing homosexuality won't work so well in the wake of the Mark Foley scandal, which laid bare the party's essential hypocrisy. It's hard to portray the Democrats as the party of Sodom and Gomorrah now that everyone knows there are many powerful gay Republicans working on Capitol Hill.

None of this is pretty, and all of it demeans American politics. But claiming that "the terrorists win" if Democrats are elected to Congress -- a statement whose only conceivable purpose is to make Americans afraid -- is something entirely different. The president knows, and at times has acknowledged, that there are people of good will in both parties who differ with him on Iraq. He also knows, or should know, that fear diminishes us as a nation -- that fear appeals to our baser instincts, not our best ideals; that it makes us smaller, meaner, less noble.

He should know all this, but he uses fear anyway, because fear is effective. John Kerry may have chosen an inopportune time (or just the right moment, from the Republicans' perspective) to demonstrate his inestimable comedic timing and his finely tuned political ear. But while Kerry's recent gaffe produced some last-minute outrage, mere outrage probably isn't enough this time. The only thing that might work is fear, and so far not enough Americans have been made to quake in their boots.

I take that back: The president did say that Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld will serve out the remainder of his term. Run for your lives!
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